The Last Thing

September 2009

My life had become cold once again. I realized this after opening the door to the warm glow around her—something we had both shared. I stood there, intoxicated by a nostalgic longing for it back in my life as she entered my apartment. She was only a familiar face before stepping past me. That’s when I was taken aback, stuck in a surprise storm. A downpour of memories, each wrapped in warm feelings of a love forgotten had fallen unto me. It was my final wake-up call, her flavored redolence I had felt so at home with before. Sad, however; it was too little too late—not enough to answer that last ring. In mere seconds, my pupils were pinned again, submerging my head into the sea of black tar that flooded my veins.

My eyelids became weighted down by tiny anchors attached to them. I attempted to converse with others using only simple words until, I realized I didn’t know any of them. Except one.

Hours pass in a single second when nodding off.

I came to sitting along with the coffee and wine stains of my couch, which at one point used to be a solid bright white. The party was still going but not at full swing like it had been. The majority of the unknown people had left.

I saw her come around from the kitchen and seen my head popped up in view above the back of the couch. She smiled; I smiled back, making an effort to show my teeth—something I could only do with her. I never had braces as a kid, but what really did a number on my teeth, which also produced the growing fixation and fear of showing my teeth was the drug abuse. It was from the smoking, the grinding, and the lack of care that had damaged my once beautiful, white teeth. As a result, I didn’t let anyone see them. But with my best friend smiling at me, all of my insecurities ceased to exist.

“Mmm, I feel so good…” she said, combing her fingers through her hair.

In my head, I questioned what she could be on, while nodding in agreement. There wasn’t time to figure out why she felt this way, or what she must’ve taken to put the huge grin on her face as if she was on ecstasy. I had taken “X” with her many times before, but this face she had wasn’t the same. Before I could ask what she had taken, she’d caught me off-guard with—

“I love you, Joshy.”

My heart melted. The emotional response this produced must have intensified my high because all I remember next, is blackness. It’s like a dull blade being shoved into my heart every time I think about it. I had no idea that these words would be the last she would ever say to me… For upon waking the next day, I’d discover who had made that last call to me… the call I had missed.

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